The NERVE of some people!

The other day I was showing off my magical abilities for some people and they were admiring me and saying that I had divine power that they called "The Great Power". They began to follow me around because they were AMAZED by me. But then, this man who also had great power came and started talking about this guy named Jesus. Apparently this Jesus guy rose from the dead, the ultimate show of magical ability! A lot of people that were following me believed this guy that was talking about Jesus, and they followed him instead and were baptized. I wanted to learn how to master death, so I followed along as well and was also baptized.

This guy's name was Phillip, and he was able to heal people and use many other magical abilities. A few days later, two other guys, I think their names were Pete and Johnny or something, anyways these two other guys come and they put their hands over us and tell us that this "Holy Spirit" is coming onto us. This "Holy Spirit" allowed people to do a variety of different things, including speaking in another language! If only I had the ability to give others power as well, I'd be even MORE famous! So I go up to these Pete guy, and I ask to buy the secrets to his ability off of him. I mean, I'm a pretty wealthy guy, these shows pay well, and I'd be the best magician in the land if I could give other people powers as well! I'd be rich and famous in no time! 

Well this Pete guy gets ticked off at me for some reason, and told me to die with my money... What's up with this guy? He then goes on to tell me that I had no part at all in this "ministry" or whatever, and that my heart is not right before God because it is full of wickedness... He told me to pray to the Lord to forgive my wicked ways because I was "full of bitterness" and "full of sin". Not wanting to make a scene, I went along with it and told him to go ahead and pray over me so that I'd be all right with the big man upstairs. I mean, just in case this God was real, I didn't want him to be mad at me you know? Then all these guys just leave, just like that! I didn't get SQUAT from the whole ordeal! Looks like it's back to the old drawing board...